I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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