2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fuck appropriateness.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
