went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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