Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
