The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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