i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
