The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
