I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
