id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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