i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
zippers are such a cool invention
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
