Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
