when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
