I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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