PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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