i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
