Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
