i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
