i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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