my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
