She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
