Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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