Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
