so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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