Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
