Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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