I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
