1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
