not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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