Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
