I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They took my balls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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