Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
