I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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