please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
