everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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