For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
