The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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