It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
