We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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