I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
