I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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