I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
