the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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