I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
