You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
