my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
