you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
