I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
