you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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