My liver just broke up with me...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
