I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
