I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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