I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
