She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
