Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
