What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
